yesterday, i found out one of my good friends i met in wisconsin passed away. Peter Kodama. It was very hard for me to take. Two people in our little crew probably felt the blow worse, but somehow it was really hard for me to handle. I can't even begin to describe how cool he was. He was so funny and really nice and a hard worker. He really brought a lot to my experience in wisconsin. I just started thinking of all these memories. Not just the ones all of us have prominent in our memory, like when the frog hopped in his mouth while he was sleeping or his various campfire songs like "i popped the ball" or "and when the fire licks our legs" and his brown overalls and those sandals he wore all the time... but the little nickname him and robbie had for me, Heyja. haha. when he convinced me his name was dimitri when we first met. whenever i see the name i think of that. or just the funny faces he would make. haha i remember him talking about his japanese heritage. we decided he should be ayumi... and his accents "take picha (picture)". i started remembering everything. like the couple in full black leather outfits we met the first day of backpacking. or the crasins. the kamakaze bugs that attacked me and dallas. overhearing the boys in the bathroom and getting the wrong picture. swinging on the swing until i got naseous. getting nervous walking from the bathroom at night. robbie helping me when i fell into the creek. dallas "saving" me from that huge caterpillar that fell from the zipper of the tent. playing "whos in my mouth". the man that had the fish bite his nipple. the leech on garrett's foot. the visiting center when they had that presentation on astronomy and looking into telescopes. the supermarket where we put 25 cents into the box and took 3 pieces of candy... and then a little more. eating ramen and baked sweet potato the last night. hayley and liza trying to dread lock their hair. wasp traps. square pizza slices. the steak out. the electric fetus. the porcupine that followed me Hollie and Jarret while we were on the copper falls trail. soooo many things. i remember most of it, and its bittersweet. it makes me cry and laugh at the same time. it made me realize that i shouldn't take things for granted and that i shouldn't assume things. i need to take the time out to reach out to people that i care about in the moment. i won't put things off that way i did before. im trying not to be sad, but to be happy because i got to know peter. everything little thing matters. if things didn't happen the way they did, i wouldn't be the same person. i know ive gone off into tangents but i can't really stay focused on that too long because id get upset again.